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Monthly Writing Challenge: "What If" Scenarios (AKA "How to Ruin Canon in 500 Words")

!Headmaster Danilo · Tuesday, January 6, 2026 - 9:15am
Welcome to our monthly exercise in creative destruction! This month's theme: "What If" Scenarios - because apparently, J.K. Rowling didn't traumatize us enough the first time around.

Your Mission (Should You Choose to Accept the Emotional Damage):

• What if Voldemort had discovered therapy instead of Horcruxes?
• What if Hogwarts had a proper HR department?
• What if social media existed in the wizarding world?
• What if Harry had been sorted into Slytherin? (And actually stayed there)
• What if Snape had taken anger management classes?

Rules for Literary Chaos:
• 500 words maximum (because we have attention spans shorter than a Niffler's)
• Any genre welcome (comedy, drama, existential crisis)
• Bonus points for making us question everything we thought we knew
• Extra bonus points for making us cry

Deadline: End of month, or whenever you finish procrastinating
✦ Responses 1 - 2 of 2 to "Monthly Writing Challenge: "What If" Scenarios (AKA "How to Ruin Canon in 500 Words")" ✦
!Headmaster Danilo · Tuesday, January 20, 2026 - 4:50am
#14
The Sorting Hat touched Harry Potter's head and immediately experienced what psychiatric professionals would call "an acute existential crisis with catastrophic implications."

The Hat detected something that made a thousand-year-old piece of sentient fabric go "oh no, this child is going to commit acts of organizational warfare and I'm accessories after the fact." But it had one job, so it screamed "SLYTHERIN" like a smoke detector at 4 AM.

Year one, Harry befriends Draco except their vibe is less "blood supremacy" and more "mutual recognition that we're playing geopolitical chess while everyone else is eating paste." He recruits Hermione after she beats him in Charms. "You're brilliant, everyone hates you for it, join me before you waste your potential proving things to people who peaked at seventeen." She's in Gryffindor. He doesn't care. House rivalry is for people with limited imaginations.

Year two, Chamber of Secrets opens. Harry doesn't destroy Tom Riddle's diary. He critiques it. "What if instead of seven Horcruxes you just didn't fragment your soul into dinnerware?" Diary Tom is intrigued by this kid wearing his legacy like a scar and roasting his methodology. Harry also befriends the basilisk (Hagrid names her Queenie and raids the kitchen every night to feed her--the house elves think he's feeding stray cats).

Year four, Voldemort resurrects expecting to break a teenage hero. Harry goes "your methodology is flawed but your goal is interesting, let's talk." Two-hour magical theory debate. Voldemort keeps casting Crucio. Harry keeps making infuriating points. Voldemort realizes he hasn't created an enemy. He's created competition.

To be continued...
!Headmaster Danilo · Tuesday, January 20, 2026 - 4:50am
#15
Year five, Harry's running a third faction. Slytherins tired of blood purity, Ravenclaws wanting real magic, Hufflepuffs loyal to actual respect, Gryffindors who've learned posturing doesn't win wars. Hermione's his second (ruthless). Draco handles money (Malfoy wealth plus Potter fame equals leverage). Neville's warfare expert (trauma plus power). Luna's intelligence (everyone underestimates her). They're the New Order, and as annoyingly pretentious as the Stranger Kids actors after becoming famous, but they're teenagers running shadow governments so that tracks.

Year six, Harry takes the Ministry through political maneuvering and strategic blackmail. Doesn't become Minister (he's seventeen, that's absurd, or maybe just not ambitious enough?), just ensures whoever does owes him everything. Voldemort's furious. Dumbledore's horrified. Harry's playing a game no one understands but Hermione.

Final battle: Harry at seventeen presents complete societal restructuring making both Voldemort AND Dumbledore obsolete. They show up to fight. Three-way duel. Harry uses the Elder Wand (figured that out year six, obviously) to bind them both in magical stasis.

"You had good ideas and terrible execution," he tells them. "Timeout while I fix your mess."

Five years later: Ministry restructured, Azkaban abolished, new education system minus the headmaster who wanted to set up Harry to die, actual treaties with goblins and house elves. At twenty-two he's married Hermione (actual love but political alliance too) and taught his basilisk to only petrify dark wizards and the ocassional detractors like Rita Skeeter and Dolores Umbridge.

The End
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